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Swizec
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Religion

Post by Swizec » Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:12 pm

Wow, my comic has gone two months without an update because of other stuff and now finally I've managed to make the third issue of the thing. The best part is the massive update in the quality ^^

Image

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Charlie the choo choo
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Post by Charlie the choo choo » Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:29 pm

Interesting, your satire of muslim fascists is so-so but some what lacking.
To view the last of me, a living frame
For one more picture! in a sheet of flame
I saw them and I knew them all. And yet
Dauntless the slug-horn to my lips I set,
And blew. "Childe Roland to the Dark Tower came."

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Captain Uglyhead
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Post by Captain Uglyhead » Sun Sep 10, 2006 8:37 pm

Dear god, they're firing peaches.

Peaches always remind me of little orange-ey butts.

But yes, a good quality jump here. Looks more polished, as opposed to the more sketchish look of the earlier ones.

Swizec
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Post by Swizec » Sun Sep 10, 2006 9:55 pm

@choo choo: yeah, I need to polish my writing some more, htere was actually intended to be another panel but I chose to omit it in the end because it would turn the whole thing into a gag with a punch line

@uglyhead: thanks, it took a while to decide to abandon outlines and there is still a long way to go before the art is exactly where it should be, but it's good for a third page. Oddly enough peaches look like butts to me too O.o
I was afraid it wouldn't show that peaches are fired and I'm glad you kindly pointed out that it does ^^

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Vince
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Post by Vince » Sun Sep 10, 2006 10:40 pm

The visuals are hilarious. I love the peach gun and the mini-Cthulu (Cthulhu? sp?)

The writing's not bad, I think it's just a little heavy-handed. It might be funnier if you left it up to the audience to figure out the point.
Image

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radiomouse
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Post by radiomouse » Sun Sep 10, 2006 11:02 pm

a bit heavy-handed, but i didn't mind it. i think the last frame is very beautiful. i think the dark tones of the bg are competing with the characters for attention, perhaps a stroke would help separate the two? also, and this is nit-picky, but the bubbles sometimes read out of order due to proximit (like the fourth panel). i'm really interested to see where this style is going, very cool stuff :)

Swizec
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Post by Swizec » Mon Sep 11, 2006 7:02 am

@Vince: yeah, I have a real problem with my writing being too obvious and I should/will work on that. And it's Cthulhu yeah ^^ Thanks for liking him :P

@radiomouse: yes they do compete a bit, but they started doing so once I added in the overlay to tie it in with the overall red-ish light. ANd I see what you mean now, those bubbles do tedn to be read wrongly :)

*hasn't expected so many replies and is happy about them*

Iaster
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Post by Iaster » Wed Sep 13, 2006 12:42 am

This is a very pretty comic. I like the background in panel 2, and the last panel is also very beautiful. However (and I'm no expert), I would say that the speech bubbles clash with the comic for a number of reasons:

-They sort of seem tacked on as an after thought, try to think about their placement in preliminary sketches and planning for the pictures.
-I think they're too big. You're font size could be a whole lot smaller. I would suggest keeping one font size the whole time, excluding exclaimations.
-The black and white of the speech bubbles clashes with the rest of the colors, perhaps because of the painterly look and the darker colors, or maybe I'm just crazy. I would probably use a midtone that fits with whatever color it overlays.
-Lastly, I think it would look better if you drew each speech bubble rather than using the elipse tool. Because your comic has such a "painted" look to it, the presence of a computer generated elipse is hard on the eyes.

Ok, I'm sorry for tearing into your speech bubbles so bad, I really do like your comic. Keep up the good work.

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Soggytoast
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Post by Soggytoast » Tue Sep 19, 2006 3:26 pm

The dialogue is not placed as it should be. I found myself having to go back to figure out the order of the speech bubbles. Placement of speech needs to draw the eye through the comic as well as be made clear as to which bit of speech comes next. Ditch the use of anchoring one speech/thought balloon to a previous one just because it is being said by the same character.
-Zack Giallongo-

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hanzo
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Post by hanzo » Wed Sep 20, 2006 2:37 pm

I agree with most of what has already been sayd here, the balloons are spoiling the otherwise nice impact of the colours here, he gags are a bit obvious and you could play a bit more with the light... still I really enjoyed the funny character design... and I think there some potential here!
I've got a suggestion... try to paint the balloons, leave them without the black border... and choose a font that looks less conventional... www.dafont.com is a good place to find nice free fonts.
BOLZANO COMICS FESTIVAL 2009

less is more... but not enough is not enough
my website: weblog.papernoise.net

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neil
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Post by neil » Wed Sep 20, 2006 3:09 pm

I think it would help the visuals if you think about using contrast and value more to direct the reader's eye. The "Peaches!" panel is a little better in this respect (although the gun barrell looks unfinished). You might consider making the deck of the airship solid black, for example, to make the characters stand out more. Everything here looks a bit muted right now.

You can also contrast more with size--the panel showing the whole ship would have a stronger composition if the ship were smaller (to emphasize space) and not touching the other panels.

Just some friendly suggestions; hope that helps.

Swizec
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Post by Swizec » Thu Sep 21, 2006 9:37 am

THanks for all the suggestions, I'll be sure to use them in the October issue. I've arleady layed it out better I think and it's also simpler with a less obvious meaning to it.


About the fonts, yes, I agree about those, and I'd realyl love it if I were able to make a font from my handwriting somehow, but it would be nigh impossible to use my actual handwriting because I tend to be too hasty and make it look unfit for a finished product.

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