Intro to Missionary graphic novel

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Yoder
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Post by Yoder » Sun Aug 21, 2005 12:49 am

Mike Laughead wrote:I guess I thought most people would get that the two characters are praying. Maybe I should put a word balloon with some mumbled looking words in there. Did anyone else not catch what was going on there?
Yeah, I did not catch that at all ... sorry. It just seems really awkward anyway how they're facing each other and I don't know if I've seen anyone pray by crossing their arms before ... it could be a simple fix or you may want to rethink the panel composition.

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tsm
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Post by tsm » Sun Aug 21, 2005 8:45 am

It's looking great. I really like this kind of storytelling; it's reminiscent of Craig Thompson, but that's a good thing.

I have a question about the panel where he points out the classroom for young women and the primary room. The composition of that panel, without their heads, seemed a bit odd. It's calling special attention to itself because it's the only panel of the characters that doesn't feature their heads or faces. Did you have a specific reason for composing it that way?

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AntSky0
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Post by AntSky0 » Sun Aug 21, 2005 12:02 pm

Yoder wrote:
Mike Laughead wrote:I guess I thought most people would get that the two characters are praying. Maybe I should put a word balloon with some mumbled looking words in there. Did anyone else not catch what was going on there?
Yeah, I did not catch that at all ... sorry. It just seems really awkward anyway how they're facing each other and I don't know if I've seen anyone pray by crossing their arms before ... it could be a simple fix or you may want to rethink the panel composition.
Oh they're praying...i thought they were feeling akward about sleeping together.
AntSky *_*

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DEADDUCK
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PRAYING PANEL

Post by DEADDUCK » Sun Aug 21, 2005 4:27 pm

I got the praying panel right away... but I might have an advantage over some of the others having been on Catholic Mission Trips before (Different in some ways but the same in others...) If I were you, I wouldnt add any mummbled word balloons at most I would maybe change the crossed arms to match the other persons arms. To me the silence of the panel is better. Yeah you might have some readers that dont immedialtly make the conection to what is going on but I think it is more powerful in silence...

just my thoughts...

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wendy w
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Post by wendy w » Sun Aug 21, 2005 9:29 pm

I didn't realise that they were praying. I originally thought it was just that akward moment when you realise there's nothing left that needs to be said and there's no way you can seem to end the conversation, specially as niether of them were going anywhere.

I agree that the panel would work better with out any text but I think it would work better if you changed the pose to make it more obvious.
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Yoder
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Post by Yoder » Sun Aug 21, 2005 10:11 pm

Hate to pop up again, but the praying panel ... I think it would help in at least my mind if they were not facing each other, I think that's part of the awkwardness. If they were just both facing the same direction, and I don't think you need word balloon or anything.

But I do think the comic looks really good, all the stuff on your site seems really great.

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Mike Laughead
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Post by Mike Laughead » Wed Aug 24, 2005 8:29 pm

Thanks for the critique everyone.

First off, I am going to change the praying panel. The folding of the arms is a Mormon thing, so I don't want to change that. I think that I am going to show more of the figures to show that they are kneeling. I hope that the panel will then read prayer.

About the panel with no heads.... I dunno if that needs changing. Is everyone bothered by that?

As for the style, I think I am going to try to go with the black and white, but still add some gray, but not to the extent that I have on top.... I have found that published books that are heavy grayscale look like they just should have been published in color, while books that are all black or white, seem like they were meant to be printed that way. I'm still thinking about it.

Anymore critique would be very appreciated
Mike Laughead

MikeLaughead.com

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wendy w
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Post by wendy w » Wed Aug 24, 2005 9:34 pm

I like the panel without the heads.
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james
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Post by james » Wed Aug 31, 2005 11:04 am

Hey everyone, im new.

Mike, I really like your work, both the style and the content is very unique. Personally, I'd go with the grey, the contrast of the black on white is too much for my eyes to take after a while... ;)
As for the praying panel, I'd agree with everyone else. The person on the left looks like he's praying, but the guy on the right not so much. I know alot people in the LDS church pray with their arms like that too, but I dont think it translates very well onto the page - it looks less reverent (actually, for a second I thought his eyes were open, too).
Its definetely a good idea to show them kneeling. That alone would make the whole panel work alot more, and make the guy on the right look alot more reverent.

Keep it up though man! Cant wait to see more of this.

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ed brisson
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Post by ed brisson » Wed Aug 31, 2005 2:16 pm

I like the grey on the computer screen, but wonder if the black and white wouldn't look better in print.

My only (minor) qualms are:

1) The praying panel, as already mentioned. It threw me off. I thought maybe they were going to kiss.

2) The starting page. I think that I would prefer to learn all of this through the comic rather than get all that information up front. The exposition here is (essentially) shown in the following pages, which makes this page seem unnecessary

Other than those two things, I really enjoy what you've posted so far and can't wait to read more of it.
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Mike Laughead
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Post by Mike Laughead » Wed Aug 31, 2005 2:59 pm

ed brisson wrote:I like the grey on the computer screen, but wonder if the black and white wouldn't look better in print.

My only (minor) qualms are:

1) The praying panel, as already mentioned. It threw me off. I thought maybe they were going to kiss.

2) The starting page. I think that I would prefer to learn all of this through the comic rather than get all that information up front. The exposition here is (essentially) shown in the following pages, which makes this page seem unnecessary
I am unsure about the way the gray will look also. Any suggestions from people that have printed this way before?

I am fixing the praying panel... I'll post it soon.

I plan on having exposition throughout the whole book, explaining how the shower actually works, other tidbits about life in argentina and life on a mission. I just thought it would be good to start with the "narrator" speaking so that the reader could expect it.

Also, would you really know what was going on without the stuff at the beginning?

Thanks for the good crit.... I'm working on the script for the whole book now.
Mike Laughead

MikeLaughead.com

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ed brisson
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Post by ed brisson » Wed Aug 31, 2005 3:14 pm

Mike Laughead wrote:Also, would you really know what was going on without the stuff at the beginning?

Thanks for the good crit.... I'm working on the script for the whole book now.
No problem.

I think that the reader would know enough of what was going on without the first page. Maybe not the specific dates, but enough to draw them in.

I've read it over about 4 or 5 times now, and think that, for me, it's more engaging when I start from the second page in. Page two and three (when read as page one and two) really draw the reader in and give a great sense of setting.

Either way, like I said, I'm really enjoying it so far.
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Phil McAndrew
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Post by Phil McAndrew » Wed Aug 31, 2005 3:42 pm

ed brisson wrote:I like the grey on the computer screen, but wonder if the black and white wouldn't look better in print.

My only (minor) qualms are:

1) The praying panel, as already mentioned. It threw me off. I thought maybe they were going to kiss.

2) The starting page. I think that I would prefer to learn all of this through the comic rather than get all that information up front. The exposition here is (essentially) shown in the following pages, which makes this page seem unnecessary

Other than those two things, I really enjoy what you've posted so far and can't wait to read more of it.
I'd pretty much echo everything Ed said. Very nice work so far though, it looks to be a promising read.

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J.ELLIS
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Post by J.ELLIS » Mon Sep 05, 2005 5:07 am

i caught on with the praying panel but at first it seemed more like an awkward silence based on some mutual attraction
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