Hopscotch

[agremar]

Let me know what you think

[Monk]

Maybe the last two panels combined into one, showing the guy walking off into the distance as the kids admire and cheer him on?

[lameboi]

lol, nice one. last few panels felt rushed somehow, tho.

neways, i like it.

[davidhopkins]

I like the hopscothing (is that a word?) sequence. Well done.

Where did his cigarette go?

[Ayo]

It's really slick--The figures are strong and the colors are extra-vibrant!

But I think the detailing of the scenes could be fleshed out a bit more. It would really change up your storytelling a lot, to be honest, but I think it would be a lot easier to read as a comic if there was a greater establishment of the scene, something that would anchor the characters' physical relationship to one another. I imagine that the children are standing on the grass, on the side as the grown-dude passes by, but that's a stretch for a comic. Show us. Unfortunately, like I said, since your strip is set up like a pattern, my suggestions would break the pattern and it would have to be completely redesigned from scratch. I'm just saying.

On that note, more background/environment, in general (except for the borderless white panels) would really help bring the reader into the scene. Your drawing and color is so lush and vibrant, you really need to complete the circle and take us there.

But yeah...I like it.

[agremar]

Thanks for your feedback everyone! This is one of my first forays into what could be considered a diary comic, as this was something that happened to me, and it's great to learn from a lot of the things that didn't work so I can get better I'm not sure why I decided to do it in marker (prismacolor)since once I started I got trapped me into a certain way of working--even though the colors turned out much more saturated than I imagined--it's probably digital next time.

lameboi: Thanks. I can see how it looks rushed, I guess I was trying to depict that he (me) just kept going after finishing, but for exposition it does seem rather abrupt. I think because I wanted the last panel to mirror the first panel, but with a sense of happiness instead of somberness, that I constricted myself in what makes a good visual narrative

davidhopkins: heh, you're right, the cigarette does disappear...it seems hard to hopscotch while smoking, but not impossible

Ayo: Thanks for the detailed feedback. Looking at it again, it is sparse and abbreviated spacially in terms of environment. I guess it does seem like I conformed to the pattern I had set out and limited my scenes to fit in. Hmm...maybe subconsciously? Yeah, I had imagined alternatives with different perspectives where I incorporate backgrounds (i.e. relation of sidewalk to houses, and then relation of all characters in space), but I guess I got sucked into the pattern and lost a way of better establishing scene. It does lessen the connection between the characters when you don't know their physical spatial relations...thanks for helping me notice that

[Ayo]

I'm not sure why I decided to do it in marker (prismacolor)

Legend has it that these begin to fade, smudge and blur after about five or so years. It's still much too soon for my own prismacolored illustrations to start messing up, but I know that the chemicals in the markers eat paper. They're not archival.


Which is okay, since you obviously will have the digital versions of this piece scanned into your computer, but...just to pass on the information.

[kev-nuu]

So I was confused at first why he was wobbling, but the very last panel said it all for me. Love the expression in the last panel. Some in between left me bewildered (I never have actually seen someone play hopskotch), but I'm not completely ignorant. Love the guy picking his nose.