Sequence

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Hyptosis
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Sequence

Post by Hyptosis » Sun Dec 26, 2010 1:05 pm

I've been tossing around an idea for this kinda space comic. I was hoping to get som efeedback if anyone cared. Specifically on the storytelling and colors. But anyhting that helps.

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This little blue card thing is very important to the story. Like, the entire plot revolves around these cards, so I wanted to make sure to illustrate clearly how they work. Hence the reason I dedicate an entire page to this dude basically pushing a button.

I'm currently reworking page 3, a lot of people seem to have trouble telling what is going on, so I gotta get that fixed. Any advice would be loved though, thanks again.



Also, here is a ref for the alien and how it compares to humans. I wanted them to be more lanky, kinda hunched backed, or arch backed I guess. Like they're shrugging all the time.

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Hyptosis
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Re: Sequence

Post by Hyptosis » Sat Jan 01, 2011 10:52 am

Here is my current work in progress of page 3. Let me know if this reads better, the guys in the foreground on the bottom panel are the aliens.
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ryan a.
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Re: Sequence

Post by ryan a. » Sat Jan 01, 2011 2:50 pm

I think your drawing skills are really solid, so there's not much to say there :)

You've got a really nice calm color palette, but I think its lacking a bit in contrast. Nothing really stands out against the
background. The aliens blend in with the buildings, which I guess is good for them so they don't get shot so easily, but it makes it harder for us cause we want to see whats going on :)

I think the new page layout for pg 3 works a lot better. With the old layout, I thought the humans were on a different building, but then I looked back and saw them on the right side of the roof in that first shot. Its kinda hard to see them cause your eyes aren't drawn over there. Maybe if you had one of them yelling out an order or something?

When the guy says "I'm flanking!" I'm not really sure what happens. Did he move to a different spot? It also looks like he's yelling to guy off to the left, but I don't think there's anyone there based on the establishing shot.

The next bit of dialogue is also kinda hard to understand because of the placement. I read "he'll be hear! cover now!" first, then, "where's clever?" Another thing that made me have to stop and think was that cover and clever look so similar, so I first read it as "where's cover?" This is the readers first time seeing the name Clever, and it didn't really click for me.

Because these guys all look exactly the same its hard to tell who is who. For example on page 2, when the guy presses the button on the card in panel 2, is that the same guy as panel 1? The camera jumps around quite a bit and so does the lighting so its hard to tell if these shots are all the same dude, or different dudes. The stuff behind the guy holding the RPG is dramatically different from the stuff behind the guy who pulls out the card in panel 2.

Hope that all makes sense.

That cover page is awesome by the way. Very cool idea.

Do you have the whole story written out already? Keep posting these here!

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