Cosmic Dash

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hpkomic
Posts: 13
Joined: Fri Mar 13, 2009 10:17 pm
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Cosmic Dash

Post by hpkomic » Fri Mar 13, 2009 10:51 pm

Hello, relatively new to the forum, so I hope posting my comic so soon won't be looked down on. I'm very keen on feedback and critiques, so by all means, if you spot something that is off, or that I could of done differently, please let me know.

That said, I'll just post my latest page here.

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I also did a title card for the current story that I was really proud of.

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I really do encourage feedback, as I want to improve, so please let me know what you think.

If you're interested in more, please visit the website.
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hpkomic
Posts: 13
Joined: Fri Mar 13, 2009 10:17 pm
Contact:

Post by hpkomic » Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:22 am

New page

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hpkomic
Posts: 13
Joined: Fri Mar 13, 2009 10:17 pm
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Post by hpkomic » Thu Jun 11, 2009 1:00 pm

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hpkomic
Posts: 13
Joined: Fri Mar 13, 2009 10:17 pm
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Post by hpkomic » Sun Jun 14, 2009 12:08 pm

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Any critcisms would be welcome.
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squirpy
Posts: 472
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Post by squirpy » Fri Jun 19, 2009 9:32 am

I think you need to slow it down a bit. I can't follow the action, and I was trying to figure out why before I left a comment. I think that there just aren't enough visual explanations of what's going on. For example, in page 19, the guy in blue gets hit and falls off the ball? But it doesn't feel connected to the end of page 18 - I thought there were pages missing or something. And then it's a little confusing because it's clear that he falls on the ground, but then it's not clear what that hand is doing in the third panel, or whose hand it is. And then in the next panel, he isn't even visible, and next you see him clamoring back up onto the ball. What's going on isn't that apparent. I think it's important to remember that your audience doesn't know what's going on like you do.

It also might help to vary shot distances a little more. For example, it would make the "oh crap, another one!" panel a lot clearer if it was a long shot where we could see how big the cliff is and how much trouble they'll be in if they go over.

And the other thing I'd say is that that ball needs to contrast a little more against the background - sometimes I don't see it right away, and stuff needs to read immediately.

I hope this post didn't sound mean - I think your style is really pretty and I'd like to see more of it, I just have trouble following the action. :)
I keep a sketchblog here

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