Pat: The Greatest Man

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jpmellow
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Joined: Thu Sep 25, 2008 12:19 am
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Pat: The Greatest Man

Post by jpmellow » Sun Oct 19, 2008 10:06 pm

Hello there everybody. I'll acknowledge right up front here that my stuff looks fairly amateurish compared to most, but I'm in the process of tightening up my work. Which is a big reason as to why I'm posting here--any and all constructive feedback from you guys is very welcome.
I've worked in a real loose and fast-paced fashion in the past as the cartoonist for my university's weekly newspaper, but as my life's situation has changed since then, I intend to make better-looking and more substantive work.
I see this little strip with young Jerry and Steve here, in all its experimental/unrefined glory, as my first step in that direction.

ImageImage
Last edited by jpmellow on Mon Oct 20, 2008 6:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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dark77778
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Location: Toronto

Post by dark77778 » Mon Oct 20, 2008 9:10 am

It seems like the speaker changes in the first three panels, but I can't tell who is who so it seems odd when Steve pipes up 'Life's less fun now'. Try making the zoomed out characters look more like their zoomed in self. Zoomed out, it looks like one of the boys is wearing a fishing hood and then when it's zoomed in I can't tell who's who. Either make the characters more distinguished when zoomed out, or don't change the camera past 180 so that we can just tell between 'Person on left' and 'Person on right' when it's zoomed out like that.

EDIT: Just realized that only one of the boys is holding a fishing rod, so that helps a little bit more now, but it took me a long time for my eyes to catch that and only because I was looking for a way to distinguish them.
I'm my own breed of eccentric.

jpmellow
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Post by jpmellow » Mon Oct 20, 2008 11:33 am

Noted, thank you. I can see how that'd be an issue for readers.

Seems I might have to fix the image link here.


Edit: link fixed

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Hyperion
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haha

Post by Hyperion » Wed Nov 05, 2008 11:36 pm

I got it right away, my eyes just automatically followed the direction the boat was facing for some reason. but I thought that was hilarious. The second comment by the unnamed character left me rolling.
really really witty quote

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