Trolloholic Anonymous

[JakeKalsbeek]

Here's my failed submission to the Fable Wood anthology. It's the first time I submitted a comic to anthology so I was super nervous about it. I have to admit I rushed this story a bit, I was in the middle of my last quarter at Animation Mentor. I'm pleased with how it turned out even though I can see how it could be better. Critiques and comments are welcomed.

[Scott Hallett]

Jake, I think you're off to a great start here. If I may offer some criticisms...

The first thing I would say is the choice of font. I'm not as much of a stickler as most in the hand written vs. computer font (I actually prefer computer fonts depending on the handwriting), but the font you've chosen is not quite right (It looks like comic sans, but I could be wrong). Check out http://www.blambot.com to start. They have great fonts, quite a lot of them are free to use.

In terms of the art, I think you've got a great base. Character designs are solid, you've utilized some good perspective, angles etc. The one thing I would say you might want to try is some variation. By that I mean varying line weight, color, perspective. The entire story almost seems to take place in the same season, in the same small stretch of land...try playing with different times of day, seasons etc. ... different seasons would even play up the plight a bit as it then takes place over a longer period of time.

The only other thing I might mention is the concept itself. I'm not completely sold on the idea of a 'trolloholic'. When I think of 'oholics' I think of serious addiction. Given the lighthearted way you've addressed this, perhaps a more classic theme might fit better. Maybe "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth"?

Sorry for the long-winded reply... just my two cents.

[andrew fulton]

I think the story is great, but yeah, I kind of agree that the 'trolloholic' thing doesn't work with the story. I think all you would have to do is just drop off those first two captions it would still work just fine.
I really like that sort of sly, smug look on the troll in the last panel - but the critters in the stomach look just as scared of the gnome as he is of them. Maybe they should be a little more menacing or something? The way I am reading it the first panel is also in the stomach, is that right, like a fore-shadowing thing? That might work a bit better if they were more menacing there too.
I agree you might want to try mixing up the colour a little, show the changing seasons, and while looking at the colours, maybe spend a little more time on the shading. I think that's where it looks the most rushed, being a little more careful there would really lift it a little, I think.
I do like it though, I think it's a simple, funny concept.

[andrewwales]

I actually liked the trolloholic title. It brings the ancient folklore into contemporary culture. Today's trolls are gambling, sex addiction, etc. I knew something was coming but I didn't know what. I was surprised when he was actually addressing the other stomach inhabitants.

I like the lighthearted tone. It may have been that the anthology just wasn't looking for that kind of story. There may be other anthologies out there that this would be right for.

I really liked the characters too.

[JakeKalsbeek]

Thanks for the great comments guys.

I think I agree that the whole trolloholic thing isn't working. I messed up the execution of the idea some how. Andrew's comment about the whole Troll as an allegory for more modern problems was what I was going for. Fantasy's ability to show us our problems in a different light is one of its most powerful uses. Maybe I'm falling short of allegory or being too direct when I have a title like that. Or maybe I'm just being pretentious.

Scott's comment of how he didn't feel that "the addiction" was serious enough was really good. If I showed more serious repercussions to the troll addiction that would have helped. I think Andrew F was right about the title. And the comments about the font and colors are really helpful. Color is one of my weak points.

[andrewwales]

When I was in college, one of our profs used to say, "If you want to be good at watercolor, make 50 of 'em." That echoes what Corot said, "Before you learn to draw you must make a thousand mistakes." I tell my students that may as well get going and start making them.